A couple of weeks ago, one of my oldest and dearest friends stayed over for a couple of nights. It was only after she’d left that I realised I’d not spoken of anything personal, that I remembered I had some issues which while not large were certainly felt. I’d not concealed them from her – it was simply that they hand’t come to mind while we were talking. It struck me that intimacy isn’t a choice – it’s the person you are in their company.
Thinking about it I realised that part of the reason was that more and more of my emotional support has started to come from my partner. But a part of it was also that I’d stopped becoming as conscious and as articulate of my own internal state to myself. This blog used to provide the useful function of forcing me to process through my life. Having to consider what to write, how to express it and most importantly what to keep unsaid or between the lines, I got to know very deeply and very intimately what was going on.
Having successfully weaned myself away from micro-updates (Facebook) and to a lesser degree the concentration-sapping habit of internet browsing, I am finding my interest in writing longer form blog entries re-emerging. Probably half of the last 2-3 years of updates have been about attempting to blog more but hopefully this will be the last one.