Not long now


but all of the remainder feels bleak and because the future is so uncertain, there is not much to look forward to except for an ending to this mad rush.

In spite of all that, I had a good weekend and even though our planned going away BBQ / picnic was washed out and we had to retreat to the Northcote Social Club, I still had a good time talking briefly (as one does) to my friends and also seeing some of the different circles mix and get along.

I was also touched and saddened by how heartfelt some of the farewells were, one of my good friends lending me a travelling goodluck charm which she calls the banana stone that I am meant to return in person (and which I will) and which sits in my pocket now and another, R, who I do not see as much as I want to, telling me that he will miss me.

Even though I have now said goodbye to many people now, something in R’s tone of voice got through to me emotionally. Hearing him, I remembered all the years I’ve known him and all the times we’ve shared together. But more importantly, I felt him and his presence as the person he is. I knew then with a heavy heart that it would be a long time before I would see him again and that I too will miss him.

Feeling that, I realised how much my friends mean to me and how lucky I am, something that I know rationally all of the time and emotionally somewhat less frequently. I like to think of myself as being quite independent and self-sufficient but over the last few years as I’ve learnt to trust and depend on those close to me, this has changed. Leaving them and the little community that is starting to grow around one of the groups is going to be more difficult than I expected and I will miss them quite a lot.

SG has her family in Queensland but for me, there is nothing else really in Australia that ties me here or that will bring me back.

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3 thoughts on “Not long now

  1. n.t says:

    you have to leave in order to return. and you won’t know what you’re looking for until you search for it, or what you have until it’s far away.

    i hope wonderful things will unfold and reveal themselves to you.

    (and i think i saw you at musicircus. and maybe you saw me but didn’t know it.)

  2. jonckher says:

    thank you for your comment and wishes!

    wrt musicircus, i had a good time there and now regret not staying longer. A friend of mine stayed the whole evening.

    anyway, i have your blog on my RSS reader but i’m not actually sure what you look like so you have me at a disadvantage there 🙂

  3. n.t says:

    i don’t know if you would remember – but i caught sight of you at the end of that fitness fanatic’s show. i’m a tiny asian girl with short hair and purple glasses if that helps. =P

    if i lived closer to the city, i would have loved to wander in at random hours to see what i could catch at musicircus! it was definitely a wonderful idea. how lucky your friend is to have stayed the whole evening!

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