something to return to

Saying goodbye to jackie, I thought about how long i’ve known her, how much time has passed and how long it will be before I see her again. It felt like it would be a very long time and that our separate lifes which we have grown somewhat accustomed to now would be even more separate. There was a time when I dreamed about living in the same city as jackie and soon we would not even be in the same continent.

In preparing to leave, I am finding more to appreciate about australia especially now that I have handed in my resignation. my time spent with my ex in her partner’s multiple occupancy, watching how they live on very little and also witnessing to a small degree the challenges of isolation and remoteness they face has nonetheless reminded me of how I had wanted that many years ago when i was travelling with jackie around australia.

I gave that dream away when i saw the reality of it back then and opted for the city again but i have changed since and the desire has resurfaced. I dont know how much of this is the job stress, the usual post holiday realisation and the encroaching departure date but at least i know that besides my friends, there is a lifestyle i can see myself returning to.

i dont see myself squatting in the bush all year. The isolation is not to be underestimated. I will still have to work and that will likely be in the city and i will want to keep travelling but these activities will be centered differently. the main thing is that i do not wish to go back to the way it has been – revolving around a fulltime job in the ciy, a mortgage and the occasional party to break the monotony.

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