too close to the forest


It is possible to get so close to someone, to spend so much time with someone that just as a picture will blur when you press your nose right up to it, you lose sight of who they are. I spend a lot of time with SG, some of it is just the usual domestic time of hanging out, but a lot of it is actually time spent communicating, sharing, talking. A part of this is SG herself, she does not let me withdraw into my shell much. She wants to know what is going on and she also wants me to know what is going on with her. But most of it is because she and i are very much verbal (and this includes the written word too) people and this makes for an intensity that I’ve very rarely found with anyone else.

This intensity also means that I know SG very well. Sure, I have found myself assuming knowledge about SG that is wrong but in general I’m past the questioning period, the stage where you’re finding out everything about someone, the period when they are new and you’re still trying to figure out who they are and how you relate. To a degree, this means the wonder of discovery I felt when I first really got to know SG is past as well.

But there are often times, like today, when she comes into perspective again, not the bits and pieces of her that I’ve been seeing for the last week or so, the sliver of person that is SG but a lot more of her whole self, the self that I know from other times and the self that I can surmise from stories of her past and the reflections of her in the eyes of her friends and family. And then the wonder comes again, not the wonder of discovery but a wonder that this whole person who I’ve known for not all that long is in my life and that we’re undertaking this huge journey together, of which the last few months is only the first step.

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