i havent written much about happiness in this blog. but here it is. i am happy or I should say instead contented, which is much more accurate. there are dissatisfactions and stresses: my job, the state of the house, the uncertainties of saving up for travel but these live on the surface. Underneath, the restless seeking that i’ve felt for the much of the last two or three years has gone (and very likely even longer).
Thinking about it now, much of this has been due to a long and painful period of growth in the last year or so, but I cannot deny that a significant portion of this contentment is to do with my relationship with SG and my decision to leave Melbourne and travel. There are two parts to this – leaving my job and potentially my career and also leaving the country. I have, like it or not, stagnated here in the last three years. Even though I have achieved some significant goals, such as proving to myself that I can succeed in the commercial sector, that I am grownup enough to buy a house, on the whole these are small things even if arguably I would not be in this position to leave if I have not addressed them.
Still, the thing is, I never thought those goals of having a career, a house and an established life in Melbourne to be worthy. I wanted more even as a part of me felt that I should conform. Money and material security is important. But to be trapped by it into an unfulfilled and unworthy existence was always my fear.
Leaving Melbourne and travelling wouldnt lead a worthy existence. I could certainly come close to doing that in Melbourne or at least in Australia. But it would fulfil one of my old goals of travelling. That, and getting published, are at this stage the only goals I have not accomplished now.