I discovered the other night that I have a reputation within the trance and the hippie scene for being a player! Although my first tier response to this is that of amusement, my second tier feelings about this are more complex. But then, I guess that can be said pretty much about my reaction to everything.
First regarding the amusement. I discovered the existence of my reputation from my current lover. She’d been warned off me by three or four different people either verbally directly (as in “he’s a complete sleaze!”) or by implication (as in “oh! you’re seeing *him*”). That this particular type of group behaviour should still exist in my life in my mid-thirties, surrounded and presumably perpetuated by adults ranging from their late-20s to late-30s, is amusing and a little bemusing. That my reputation is such that single adult women in their late 20s and early 30s require warning is both flattering and amusing.
My main second tier feeling is outrage! My reputation is completely undeserved! The total number of people I’ve shagged in the trance and hippie scene can be counted in one hand with a number of fingers lopped off. I wouldnt mind so much if I’d been tearing through legions of naive nubile young women but this is just plain unfair. And if the reaction has been such around my current lover, then I can only imagine how it is entirely possible that legions of naive nubile young women might have been staying away from me in … well … legions.
My other second tier feeling is curiousity. How did I get this “rep”? I actually spend most of my time at parties on the dancefloor with the rest of the time hanging out with friends. I do squeeze in as much flirting as I can and I do get very flattering unsolicited attention too but I dont actually follow through because I dont trust how much of that is due to drugs. Hence, most of the people I date are actually not from the trance scene at all. Of course, part of this could be standard small group behaviour (the regular trance scene is quite small) where the control and constant monitoring of sexual liasons between regulars is essential for group stability. Shagging outside of the crew appears to be ok though.
Or that could just be my experience of it seeing as I have a big red keep away sign floating over me. The irony of course is that for the most of last year, I’ve been doing what players dont do, I’ve actually been looking for a partner. But then, I guess that’s what players will say.