all my expartners have remained friends, friends that are close enough to be the closest thing to family that i have. to be honest, i’ve not had that many who i’ve been that close with, who’ve i’ve let in so deeply into my life to let go of so easily. so, i’ve always looked at the breakdown of other relationships and wondered at the emnity that resulted after. wondered at how people who’d loved each other so much, who remained still to my eyes the same people they were when they were together, could be such different people to each other now, different enough for hatred to replace what was once there. could they not put aside their grief and anger and remember the bond they once had? It seemed to me disrespectful that they could not. it seemed a weakness, a failing. I counted myself lucky that i was not one of them.

i expected the same from this relationship when i ended it. i knew it would be difficult but i thought it would pan out the way it had in the past, that eventually after the grief had been processed, something new would emerge and the relationship would evolve into a fast friendship, one that already had the benefit of many years, one that would have a future of many more years.

it seems now that i was wrong. nothing will be left after this.

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