i’m looking forward to confest (see http://www.dte.org.au) this easter.
there’s a fair amount of camping gear i need to get first. a good esky to start with, some good tent poles (although that’s not so important for the gulpa creek site as there are plenty of trees), some tarp of course with good ropes, tent pegs and more tarp for the ground and old carpet material or rugs.
i also need a couple of lamps.
Amidst all this planning (or rather planning for shopping), i know also that this confest is going to be quite a reflective and sad time for me especially if the site is at gulpa creek and i end up camping in the same place i’ve camped the last few times.
at this stage, everything seems completely uncertain to me.
much of what i’d taken for granted, much of what i’d placed my faith in as being constant in my life and indeed in myself is now in doubt. philosophies and life choices i’d thought were settled (barring my centrist political and economic beliefs) are in turmoil again. with that unfortunately has come a questioning of some my newer relationships especially with regard to what i can now offer and share.
in the last few weeks, i’ve found myself seeking out my old friends, people i’ve known for more than 10 years, some more than 15 years, people who’ve seen me through many of my changes and who’ve always been there afterwards. i’ve changed a lot since i’ve known them and really, there is little that we have in common. but there is deeper layer there which has withstood all of that. maybe it’s momemtum or maybe it’s that elusive connection and community that i’ve been looking for in every new place all the while neglecting what’s been there all this time.