I did actually smoke a very small amount of ganja once during the festival.

I havent had a heavy negative self-examination stone for some years. Early on at rainbow, I made up for all that time and spent an hour lying down, waiting for sanity to resume.

It came to me that we go through life with models of other people’s internal emotional states and thoughts in our minds. So, for example, when talking to someone, I pick up emotional cues from their face and voices, fit it to my model of that person and within context of my knowledge of their circumstances, postulate their internal state, asking questions now and then to verify that my model is correct. As one grows older, one’s models become better and become more generalised and so eventually, one can with a certain degree of confidence predict or presume to know the reactions of strangers or people not so well known. Getting to that stage of being sensitive enough to see what is happening but at the same time, not be overwhelmed emphatically by what other people are feeling is one of the nicest things about getting older.

While stoned on Saturday at rainbow, my confidence in reading the emotional cues of people correctly vanished. It came to me that it is possible to create a false reality that flatters oneself so that the only cues one takes in are those that agree with one’s own egoistical needs, one that is ultimately as far from one’s own real self as possible. The real self being a rather nasty lowly selfish being only a little more evolved than a worm or a right faction member of the NSW branch of the Liberal party.

After my head straightened out, I resolved to not take any more drugs for the remainder of the festival.

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