nice clean seperations just arent easy. what is easy is to fall into a blinding muck of rage, grief and blame. and to keep circling over the same old hurts that have been built up over the years and forget anything that was ever good about the relationship.
the thing is, even though you can work through it all and get to a nice equilibrium, it’s just so easy to spark it all up and to come to an awful understanding about yourself – that underneath it all, nothing has been forgiven or forgotten and the old patterns of mutual hurt are there as strong as ever.
today, i pulled back from that precipice. somehow, something had changed in me, something that saw those patterns were no longer relevant now that the relationship is over. you can choose now, it said, you are free.
so i chose not to hurt anymore.