motivation


my motivation at work has dropped to an all time low. i’m attempting to pull together a business case and a grant application and it is all getting a little too difficult. I look at the information and have little ability to synthesize it.

part of this is due to the breakup and part of it due to a sleep debt that i’m still attempting unsuccessfully to pay off. i also suspect that some of the psychedelics I took recently may have contributed. On the plus side, my alcohol consumption has dropped to usual and maybe even below usual levels, ganja has almost completely vanished from my life again and my natural endorphin addictions (through exercise) have resumed. hopefully, this week and weekend will see some of my sleep-debt paid off.

The problem now is that rainbow serpent rave festival is looming next weekend starting on Thursday and continuing for 4 nights to Monday. I cant afford to wipe myself out on drugs and fatigue, especially for the entire duration, even though I would like to. So my plan is to keep my excesses (and these would not be great) to Friday night and Saturday morning and take it easy for Saturday night, reserving my recovery for Sunday onwards.

Drug schedule: endorphins, caffeine and moderate amounts of alcohol (BAL < 0.1). Perhaps some LSD for Friday sunset and Saturday dawn.

I maintain my irrational dislike of MDMA. I dont trust it. I didnt like feeling that sort of happy when I took it. I dont like being around overly touchy feely lovey E-ing people. I dont like the music that has grown around the MDMA scene because it's almost impossible to like when not under the influence. Plus I think it is the greatest single threat to youth, civilisation and humanity.

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